Weekly Awards 9/12/12

Best Player in Baseball- Mike Trout, don't argue
Right Tackle of the Week- Austin Howard! I finally realized the fundamental problem with Mario Williams's style of play. He doesn't exactly get pressure on the quarterback, he gets sacks when there are open holes. Lining up against Austin Howard on Sunday, there were no open holes. Of course this led the $100 Million Man to complain about the Replacement Refs, but of course he's wrong.
Jets Touchdown of the Week- I'll have to give to give this one to Antonio Cromartie channeling his inner Neon Deion and taking this to the house.
Worst Long Snapper in the History of the World- Travis Goethel
Time to Jump off the Bandwagon- Buffalo Bills. They looked beyond inept. Inept I say. I finally remembered why everyone thought that Ryan Fitzpatrick was so bad. He's so stubborn! He stares down a receiver, allows the corner to lie in wait and it's an interception. There's a reason why he led the NFL in picks last year. Why did I buy the "cracked ribs" excuse?
Time to Jump on the Bandwagon- I was one of those "49ers will take a step back" people. Boy, is their defense physical. It's dominating and they will definitely go deep into the playoffs.
Hey, You've Done It!- Two things happened on Sunday that I never thought would happen.

1. Blaine Gabbert looked like an NFL quarterback
2. Christian Ponder looked like an NFL quarterback

They are no longer in the cellar. However....
King of the Bottom of the Hill- Brandon Weeden has arrived on the scene and taken the league by storm. By that I mean he's ready to continue handing interceptions away. The 28-year-old rookie is really bad. If the joke that is Cleveland realized that Colt McCoy has the amazing combination of being both younger and better than Weeden, they would be 1-0 and the city of Philadelphia would be rioting and attempting to murder Andy Reid. Not like they don't call for his head every week...Credit to Ryan Tannehill for attempting to get this award, but don't worry, he'll be involved later in this post.
Worst Team in the NFL- Remember when I said that Ryan Tannehill would be involved? Yeah, he's the leader of the worst team in the league. I said that the Bills looked inept, but the difference is that they have legitimate talent on their roster. What do the Dolphins have? Jake Long, Karlos Dansby, and would it be wrong if I said that Reggie Bush was their third best player? In fact, I should edit out the word inept in reference to the Bills, because that word was created for a team like this. Good Luck Miami! (Don't worry Jets fans, they'll still hand us the obligatory loss against the Fins in New Jersey. Can't have a Jets season without it).
Coach of the Week- Sean Payton. Without him, the Saints are nothing. Talented, but nothing. Speaking of that Saints-Redskins game...
RGIII Award- He deserves his own award after that amazing performance. As a pure QB, he looks better than Cam Newton.
My Fantasy Team Player of the Week- Let's just give him player of the year. The man. The myth. The legend. JULIO! Jones!!!!! (Your first introduction to my unhealthy obsession with JULIO!).
Amar'e Stoudemire/Javale McGee Stupid Act of the Week- Do I even need to say it? (That's my way of getting out of giving this to anyone because I can't think of a winner).
Tennis Player of the Week- Finally Andy Murray. Finally. It took you 2 extra sets that you should not have lost, but you finally got your major. Congrats, the man has worked hard.
Fix Your Bullpen- *Sigh* Let's Go Mets, whatever, I'm done with them until April.
Birthday of the Day- Andrew Luck! First NFL game on Sunday, birthday on Wednesday, good week for him.
G.O.A.T is Back!- Speaking of Andrew Luck, I can't finish this without mentioning my boy, Peyton Manning. He looked like he was back to being Peyton Manning. That sound you hear: Chiefs fans, Raiders fans, Travis Goethel, Chargers fans, Norv Turner, and Eli Manning all crying at once.
Mike Trout Award- Don't think I've been too caught up in the NFL to care about yet another unhealthy obsession of mine, Michael Nelson Trout. I didn't even bother to verify whether or not that is his full name, I'm confident that I have that memorized.

In terms of my NFL Picks for Week 1, I finished a whopping 7-9. Thanks to good ole Mike Vick, Matt Stafford, and Phil Rivers. They don't deserve to have their full first names.